If you've read my Blog previously, you will realise that I'm open and honest and mostly positive about what life throws at me.
I have to admit that these last few months have been a real struggle from a practical point of view and an emotional one.
My youngest son has been having some difficulties which I can't go into here because it is of a very personal nature. It has, however, preoccupied my mind for quite some time and I've felt less and less like communicating with you all.
I've also been involved as much as possible in our fight to keep Llangedwyn Primary School open. I'm damn sure that if it wasn't for my children attending this small rural school with one to one attention and support from the teachers, my son's problems would not have been picked up if he were in a large school. This is one of many reasons why I'm passionate about the school which is the focal point of our community and why I shall continue fighting against its closure.
I always try to remain positive and I often say to myself 'there are people worse off than me'. But, I have to admit my depression has been rearing its ugly head again of late. Partly due to life circumstances which seem to change constantly and partly due to the daily chronic pain I suffer due to my spinal condition. I have a prolapsed disc, disc deterioration and retrolisthesis. Most days I manage through pain relief but there are days when I'm just so damn tired of it. Yesterday, I felt so down as I realised that I'm likely to spend every day in pain for the rest of my life. I've forgotten what it's like to be pain free, unless I want to take medication which will leave me feeling 'drugged up'. It's been 4 years now. I'm writing this as I come out of one of those 'dark days', I'm trying to reflect and turn the negatives into positives again.
All that has happened over the last few months has resulted in me being unable to paint. I haven't had the time, the inspiration or the energy to be totally frank. The crazy thing is, I know that when I put brush to canvas, I will feel so much better. I hope that day will come very soon.
I hope this Blog entry doesn't come across as me whining. I just wanted you to know that even though people often see me as a positive smiley person, there are occasions when you just have to give in to feeling miserable and to know that it will pass. They say that depression isn't a weakness, it's a sign that you've been trying to be strong for too long. I definitely hold with that.
We all have our trials and tribulations which we have to face. I see life like I see a drawing, there has to be light and dark in order that the whole can be appreciated.
I have to admit that these last few months have been a real struggle from a practical point of view and an emotional one.
My youngest son has been having some difficulties which I can't go into here because it is of a very personal nature. It has, however, preoccupied my mind for quite some time and I've felt less and less like communicating with you all.
I've also been involved as much as possible in our fight to keep Llangedwyn Primary School open. I'm damn sure that if it wasn't for my children attending this small rural school with one to one attention and support from the teachers, my son's problems would not have been picked up if he were in a large school. This is one of many reasons why I'm passionate about the school which is the focal point of our community and why I shall continue fighting against its closure.
I always try to remain positive and I often say to myself 'there are people worse off than me'. But, I have to admit my depression has been rearing its ugly head again of late. Partly due to life circumstances which seem to change constantly and partly due to the daily chronic pain I suffer due to my spinal condition. I have a prolapsed disc, disc deterioration and retrolisthesis. Most days I manage through pain relief but there are days when I'm just so damn tired of it. Yesterday, I felt so down as I realised that I'm likely to spend every day in pain for the rest of my life. I've forgotten what it's like to be pain free, unless I want to take medication which will leave me feeling 'drugged up'. It's been 4 years now. I'm writing this as I come out of one of those 'dark days', I'm trying to reflect and turn the negatives into positives again.
All that has happened over the last few months has resulted in me being unable to paint. I haven't had the time, the inspiration or the energy to be totally frank. The crazy thing is, I know that when I put brush to canvas, I will feel so much better. I hope that day will come very soon.
I hope this Blog entry doesn't come across as me whining. I just wanted you to know that even though people often see me as a positive smiley person, there are occasions when you just have to give in to feeling miserable and to know that it will pass. They say that depression isn't a weakness, it's a sign that you've been trying to be strong for too long. I definitely hold with that.
We all have our trials and tribulations which we have to face. I see life like I see a drawing, there has to be light and dark in order that the whole can be appreciated.
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